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Maybe we're degenerates, maybe we're wired a little loose or maybe we're just really super smart.  Anyway you cut it, Sam Rothstein Jr. and I recently proved that there literally isn't ever a 15 minute period of time where you couldn't be making a wager on something during a night out on the town. 

If you've seen the show I Bet You then you may feel like we are just copying.  (Ed. Note: I Bet You is a show about the lives of best friends and professional poker players Phil "The Unabomber" Laak and Antonio "The Magician" Esfandiari as they wandered the streets of America betting and daring each other on anything and everything that inspired them, using their own money)

But the reality is, we proved a mundane evening at a local watering hole can be transformed into a spectacular Vegas fueled rager that leaves you breathless and probably rich.  If not rich, then probably fulfilled with countless stories bordering on hilarity, where you and your wagering partner have plenty of cheap laughs. 

For proof, here is a log of wagers that Sam Rothstein Jr. and I recently made during a normal Saturday evening where we visited a few standard bars.  We weren't focused on volume of wagers but rather the quality and what we were left with is steady action that would make any random degenerate, who spends 7 nights a week at Hoosier Park betting on the ponies, salivate.

#1- 1 Unit ($10) on whether the bartender will ask for my ID.  Result:  She doesn't proving once again that I'm way to old to be going to bars in the hip district of Indianapolis past 6:00pm.  (Ed. Note:  The mere fact that Tom uses "hip" proves he's an old bastard)

#2- 1 Unit that the left fielder for the University of Oregon will either strikeout, walk or get hit by a pitch.  Result:  He grounds out to second and I'm down a quick 2 units.

#3- 2 units on a coin flip during commercial break from the baseball game.  Result:  Tails never fails and I'm back to even.  The swings are awesome when you will accept a coin flip bet at a moments  notice.  (Ed. Note:  Sam and Tom spent 4 hours one evening wagering on low rent cage fights at the Indianapolis fairground,only to risk the net difference on a coin flip in the parking lot after the fights)

#4- 1 unit over/under on the # of times we could ask the bar tender to turn up the jukebox before we are told "no" or there is a stern refusal.  Sam sets the total at 2.5.  I take the over.  Result:  After the 2nd time, the heavily tattooed bar back grunts and waves us off. (Ed. Note:  I protested the bet as I had no control over what song was playing. I guess when you ask somebody to turn up a Brittany Spears song more then twice you will be scorned.)

#5- 2 units on whether or not I could use "The House of Batiotis" in a normal conversation with somebody outside of our party without them asking questions or making some type if inquisitive remark.  Result:  I successfully work in "The House of Batiotis" into two conversations.  "All are welcome to the house of Batiotis" and "It's hotter then the House of Batiotis in here!".  (Ed note:  For those of you who aren't familiar with the Starz cable tv show "Spartacus" I suggest you go to netflix and rent the first season.  Violent, soft porn at it's best)

#6- 1 Unit over/under on the waitresses age.  This is a common bet that we always seem to make.  A lot of times its a set up so that I can take the opportunity to guess way over leaving the young waitress broken and low on self esteem.  This plays perfect to Sam's strengths and he can swoop in as the good cop and make amends.  Sam sets the total at 28 (Ed note:  The girl is clearly under 22).  I guess within one mila-second of him making the total, "OVER, WAAAAY OVER!".  The waitress, flabbergasted, says she  just turned 21 and I act like I'm completely floored.  Result:  I take one for the team leaving us even.

#7- 3 units (Ed note:  The unit total usually goes up the later in the evening it gets and the more drinks Sam and Tom have had) on a NCAA Div II softball game.  Result:  Not sure.

#8- 5 units on over/under for people in the bar with mustaches.  Sam sets the total at 6 and I take the under.  Result:  After finding our first duster, laughing and pointing, we are engaged in a terse conversation with the self proclaimed fire fighter causing us to forget about the bet.

#9- 3 units on over/under for # of skin terminations that I can achieve in a one hour period.  (Ed. Note:  "Skin termination" is when two people blatantly telegraph an enthusiastic high five and/or fist bump and Tom anticipates and breaks up the exchange while shouting "SKIN TERMINATOR!!!!".)  I take the over, obviously over confident in my skills.  Result:  Apparently, after midnight, people don't appreciate you stalking their conversations waiting to abruptly break in and shut down a high five.  Way under.

#10. Final bet of the evening before the looming black out, 10 units on a coin flip.  Result:  Tails fails and I'm down triple digits in a hurry.

#11.  Ok, just one more.  15 units on the coin flip.  Result:  Tails is back.  We're even again, or at least we agree to be even so the betting can stop for the night!!!!
 


Comments

Sam R. Jr.
07/27/2010 18:34

All long term bets, futures, wagers that take significant work and dedication (i.e. Tom Hammer training for and running a half marathon), etc... inevitably result in a double or nothing coin flip immediately upon completion of the bet.

Reply
Buzz Vanderfloo
07/27/2010 21:47

Being a witness to "The Bet" where Sam Rothstein's hopes were higher than Robert Downey Jr's character in "Less Than Zero" (or Robert Downey Jr. in real life) only to have them disappear like Mark McWire's testicles, was when I first realized the spot on exquisiteness of gambling at its finest. It was as if Tom Hammer was, for at least a moment, Alex Trebec waiting to tell Sam how wrong he was. Like many failed contestants on Jeopardy, Sam acted as a true sportsman and wore his failure w/ dignity. All the while, he wanted to yell "Suck it Trebec!" like most of us do. Buzz Vanderfloo learned a valuable lesson that epic night and that is...When the going gets tough....flip a coin....you never know what could happen (in Sam's case....more failure).

Reply
07/29/2010 13:31

Buzz Vanderfloo immediately vaults into my top 5 readers who responded with a comment. Well done. Maybe you should write a guest column on how to properly harass a "ring girl" at a low budget cage fighting event.

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Bryce "Lobster Boy" Keeney
08/03/2010 16:16

Hammer/Sam,
I'm looking for an entourage to support me at my next fight in Bloomington on Aug 7th at the Amvets Post 2000 ECF-43. I'm ready for a breakout fight after struggling to get out of the 1st round in each of my last 2 fights. My footwork may not be the fastest and my hand not the heaviest but I have heart, and thats why I fight. Reading your column makes me think that a couple of heavy hitter like yourself would make me look reputable if not legit. You've got a formal invite to be my ringside guest this weekend at the big event!! Come out and make a poor boy rich! Let’s tear this town up!

Reply
08/03/2010 18:43

Bryce,
Rumor has it you may need a trainer slash brother n law to carry your spit bucket, wait with you behind the hung bed sheet waiting to walk to the cage with acdc blaring from the ghetto box and to throw in the towel when you are getting choked out in the rear naked. I'm that guy. Let's make this fucking happen. I'm in, your brother in law slash drug dealer is fucking out.

Reply
09/18/2012 14:00

A little off-topic but just wanted to say I liked the layout of the site

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01/17/2013 15:15

Thanks Ms. Terrace Escorts?

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10/06/2013 06:36

Your blog template was so nice I decided to make a Weebly account too.

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