Common Nighthawk, Chordeiles minor

Obviously if you are living a bo hogan lifestyle, the bare minimum is 2 trips a year to Vegas.  There is no better venue in the world where you can practice all the lifestyle tips that we've dedicated ourselves to providing via this blog. In honor of the trip to the city of sin that bo hogan lifestyle consultants participated in the last week in May, I decided to alter the format a bit for the T-Mobile "loosely sponsored" segment and throw out the top 5 weird conversations that I over heard or participated in while in Las Vegas.  **WARNING & DISCLOSURE: THE CONVERSATIONS AND QUICK EXCHANGES PUBLISHED HERE OFTEN WERE A RESULT OF DEEP SLEEP DEPRIVATION AND BLATANT IRRESPONSIBILITY ON THE PART OF WAIT STAFF AND BAR TENDERS IN VARIOUS CASINOS WHO FELT COMPELLED TO OVER SERVE THE SUBJECTS"

5.) Location: NYNY Hotel and Casino Room 783 Time: 8:08am Saturday May 30
Hammer: (Storming in the room looking obviously disheveled and out of sorts, having not slept)
"Holy sh*t, what the hell happened last night!  Last time I saw you, you were using the table games as an ATM machine to go play $10 slots."
Rothstein Jr: (Just waking up looking and smelling like a hand rolled cigarette) "I don't know but I need to shower up and then go get some breakfast"
Hammer: "Why in the hell would you shower, you look and smell great.....I think I pissed my pants!"

4.) Location: Leroy's Sports Book Tropicana Casino Time: 5:38pm Friday May 29
Degenerate: (Sitting in Leroy's staring at the array of 19 and 20 inch rear projection old school tv's all with different color contrasts, looking like he'd been sitting there since nam' still waiting for his big pay day) "Yeah, I kind of like the Astro's to beat the Diamondbacks in that baseball game.  Looks like Baker is pitching for the Stro's, you know anything about that guy!"
Hammer: (Having no clue who "Baker" is and trying not to laugh at this guy who clearly wants to put his life savings on a baseball game between two of the worst teams in baseball) "Oh yea, Baker, he's tough!  Good off speed stuff and a hard inside slider to right handers!"
Degenerate: (Eyes wide open, as if staring at an already scratched off winning lottery ticket) "Hell yeah, I knew it.  I'm going 5 large on that bad boy" (Degenerate staggers to the counter and stares at the dry erase board with all the lines and promptly lays down a large wad of cash claiming Astro's to win)
Hammer: (Gets in line directly behind the degenerate and waits his turn at the window) "I'll take the Diamondbacks to cover.  Who the hell is Baker?"
Leroys Employee: (Laughing and shaking his head)

3.) Location: O' Sheas Casino Time: 1:30am Sunday May 31
Hammer: (Three full Coors Lites sitting in front of him, clearly hammered at the Texas Hold Em' Table Game, listening to a band that is way to loud for the small casino.  Some innocent patron walks up and takes a seat at the table, looking dead sober and focused on the task of winning his rent back) "Hey TURD!"
Innocent Guy: (Hand cupped to ear, straining to hear Hammer) "WHAT?"
Hammer:  (Leaning in as if to say something important) "Turd right?  Is it Turd?"
Innocent Guy: (Confused) "I still don't get it?"
Hammer: (Screaming) "IS YOUR NAME TURD?"
Innocent Guy: (Definitely perplexed) "No its John......"
Hammer: (Satisfied) "Oh, I thought it was Turd...sorry John!" (No a hint of sarcasm)

2.) Location: O'Sheas Casino Time: 1:41am Sunday May 31
Dealer: (Addressing Hammer at the table) Sir, sir, it's your turn. Sir, it's on you.  Excuse me....sir?
Rothstein Jr.: (Dead serious, motioning the dealer to come closer) Yea, he probably won't respond unless you call him Night Hawk!
Dealer: (Pissed off and quickly losing patience) Come on sir....
Rothstein Jr: (Shaking his head adamantly)
Hammer: (Head down, staring into his lap)
Dealer: (Not amused) "Ok....what would you like to do NIGHT HAWK!"
Hammer: (Quickly coming to life, and immediately placing chips on the board) "I can only act when you address me as Night Hawk!"
Dealer: (Not impressed, shaking head) Ok, whatever you say Mr. Night Hawk.
Pit Boss: (Coming back with a color up of chips for Hammer.  Dealer stops her and whispers in her ear.  PIt Boss stares at Hammer looking confused) "Here you go.....Night Hawk!" (Pushing the chips towards Hammer)

1.) Location: O'Sheas Casion Time: 1:45am Sunday May 31
Rothstein Jr: (bobbing his head to the rhythm of the very loud band, severely impaired by the numerous long island ice teas.  Addressing dealer) "So where are you from?"
Same Dealer:  "Ethiopia."
Rothstein Jr: (Nodding with his approval.  Awkward couple minutes of silence as the band finishes their set, the dealer still shuffling but staring at Rothstein waiting for a reply.  Rothstein head on a swivel and then coming back to make eye contact with dealer) "Do you guys get any good Ethiopian bands in here?"
Night Hawk: (A fountain of beer comes spouting out of his nose, definitely caught off guard.  Hunched over laughing) "Cmon dude"

In this day in age, communication mediums are in abundance and that allows for an over load of messaging that could over stimulate even the most docile dude/chick on the block.  Whether you are lagging behind a bit in embracing all that technology can offer or your life parallels a cast member of the Hills who spend more time on their iPhones then they do ever actually speaking, (Ed. Note: Justin Bobby while understated is by far the most underrated comedic performer of his generation), you can always improve your communication skills.  Whether your eating, watching TV, juggling, working out, gambling, drinking, thumb wrestling and or driving we all frantically try to stay current with our emails, text messages, instant messages, face booking, my spacing and heaven forbid Tweets at Twitter! (See our last post).  As always, bo hogan is here to be sure that every reader has the playbook to successfully integrate any and all of these mediums into your already improving lifestyle.  The T-Mobile Fab Five Message spot will show case our top five messages each week to hopefully demonstrate how to perfect the art of meaningless exchanges with friends, relatives and stalkers. (Ed. Note: T-Mobile has not returned our calls, emails and text messages to agree to the use of their company name as a promotional partner for this spot but we are somewhat confident the $1,000 worth of booze, smokes and lap dances we charged to a credit card opened up under Catherine Zeta Jones name will be reimbursed by them as compensation for the brand awareness we are driving) Enjoy.
5.) Context: This is an email message from a buddy of ours who was recently impacted by the financial morasse that has engulfed the banking industry.  He is a down to business type guy with slicked back hair, and a wide repatoire of pin stripe suits.  He's always very serious and almost never ends a sentence with out the tag line, "In the best interest of our client broker relationship I cannot advise you on personal matters".  This email is out of character to say the least.

Friend: "You got to get your feelers out for me man. The bank I work for has decided to close our office. I can either transfer to Chicago later this year, be unemployed or go stage five bat sh*t crazy and kidnap my boss and hold him hostage until I'm either given my job back (with an increase in pay) or they pay an obscene amount of ransom that allows me to move to the Cayman islands and become a dive instructor! Maybe I could get a sweet gig like you got, work out of the house in my underwear all day, listening to iTunes, playing on-line poker while sipping mojitos. Let me know if you know of any jobs like that. I would be interested in working in my underwear!  In fact my resume objective reads, "interested in pursuing a career that allows for personal space in effect that allows for me to work in my underwear!"  Out.

4.) Context: This text was from one of our site contributors Sam Rothstein Jr. in response to a voice mail that I left him asking him for a weekly post consisting of him feeding our readers a lock of the week.  A lock is a gambling term for a bet that is a sure fire can't lose certafied lock for success.

Sam: "I'm in... super stone cold lock of the week, and it will more than likely be the most obscure thing you've ever heard of... like college women's field hockey (division III) lock of the week.  Hammer, how about a daily post from Vegas too... we'll make it 5 days worth even though we won't be there that long.  they dont have to know.  very short, almost like gay twitter, and it probably shouldn't make any sense.  Example post:  "day 3 - no money.  no food.  kicked out of hotel.  F'd a dude last night for $50. that'll be your post, not mine. another Kenny Powers quote: "I play real sports... not trying to be good at exercise"

3.) Context: This is an email from our resident health and exercise expert Carl the "Gym Guy" who apparently has successfully mastered the code to create web widgets that post pertinent information on porn stars running for public office.

Carl: "Tom, (please read and I hope you understand)
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/05/stormy-daniels-forms-exploratory-committee-to-run-against-vitter-in-2010.php?ref=fpb  I might be awol for awhile helping campaign for Ms. Daniels down in Louisiana.  Don't call me I'll call you.  - Carl"

2.) Context: This little gem of an email exchange was between Sam and I in preparation for our pending trip to Vegas next weekend.  I'm convinced he needs Gamblers Anonymous more then I need Alcoholics Anonymous.  You decide.

Sam: "There’s definitely a glitch in the matrix out in Vegas and its the texas hold em' table … it’s basically an ATM machine with no fee over at the Hard Rock.  If I don’t win, I plan to turn to a life of crime. I was just thinking, since i'm going to have 24 hours or so until you guys get to Vegas, i'm going to do something i've always wanted to do but never had the balls.  i'm going to sit at Caesars or Wynn or something (not bellagio where the pro's go) and play like 20/40 or 15/30 or something... what do you think, will i fold under the pressure, or leave that table with a plastic baggy full of black chips?  you're jealous aren't you?"

Me: "Brilliant.  High risk and high reward.  That's how we roll.  But if you are dead broke when I get there and can't spend countless hours at different table games with me then I will disown you and go on a binge drinking run that would make Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas queasy.  In fact, I've went to the doctor and was fitted for a detector that will beep incessitently if my blood alcohol level ever gets below 0.2%. 

Sam: "Shocker, you being drunk in Vegas is such a lock that I'd give you 4:1 if you could actually remember anything after 2:00am on any given night. the problem with sitting at a 20/40 table is getting me to leave if i'm not losing... i might not care that you're there, but you should understand that I'll be in a gamblers trance and potentially dangerous.  if you see me, just approach slowly and speak softly so you don't startle me and then, once i know you're there, place some sort of bag or sack over my head, gather my chips and drag me the F out of there."

1.) Context: This text exchange comes from a friend of mine with whom I was discussing the NBA playoffs with in particular the Denver Nuggets series with the Lakers.  If you aren't a die hard NBA fan you may not know the individual players here but let me give you some background.  The "Bird Man" Chris Anderson, pictured above, is a heavily tatted, lengthy fo-hawk, spazz of a power forward who just returned to the league after a suspension for a heroin addiction.  Travis Henry is a form NFL running back who's had more arrests then OJ and has 9 kids with 9 different women. 

Friend: "Speaking of, this has turned out to be a very interesting NBA playoff. It's amazing how much Detroit has helped Denver by passing on Melo and trading Billups for old weed lungs Iverson. But between Nene, K-Mart and Chris Anderson, I'd say that the odds are 50/50 that the Nuggets commit some sort of off-court atrocity involving a strip club, guns, a Scarface poster and an el camino full of pit bulls...not to mention that Travis Henry still lives there!"

Me: "Do you think that the Bird Man ever watches the replay of a game and just cringes or reverts back to the needle after the announcers inevitably say, "And in comes Anderson, he is back in the league following a lengthy suspension for violating the substance abuse policy while fighting a heroin addiction!"  In game 162 of the season they are still guaranteed to say those words when he enters the game.  Why don't they say, "Kobe Bryant opens the game with a bucket, he is lucky to be in the league after his little affair in Denver where he got a little rough with a hotel employee and then dodged the inevitable rape charge!"  I mean cmon, fair is fair.