In honor of our favorite sports columnist Bill Simmons The Sports Guy, who is one of our site partners, we felt compelled to generate our first readers mailbag.  I realize that we are only four posts deep in terms of providing unsolicited lifestyle consulting but I feel that these readers really capture the essence of what bohogan.com is about and thus are a good reference to what we hope to provide in terms of service and support.  Bohogan lifestyle can not be characterized by a single thought like Gisele Bundchen can: HOT!!!!.  We are more like a fine wine where the subtle hints of different aroma can lead you down a path of speculation as to where the grapes come from.  At least that's what I hear expert wine drinkers can do.  I guess in reality, bohogan is nothing like a fine wine because we don't drink that weak sh*t.  Maybe I should have used bourbon as the point of reference.  At any rate, I think you'll get our point as you read our astute reader posts:
1.) Bill Menchofer from Peoria, Illinois writes:
Q: "Is it okay to high step down a street, naked, wearing only football helmets in a level 3 snow emergency after drinking a beer after every touchdown in a 63-24 blowout?  Please I need to know if this fits the Bo Hogan lifestyle!
A: Bill I'm glad you bring this up because I was contemplating this the other day.  The answer is yes.  First off you are turning a sporting event into a drinking game which in of itself is always a good idea.  Second, your willingness to battle the elements in a quest to be naked because you are drunk is honorable.  The answer is yes.

2.) Rob Handerson from Carmel, IN writes:
Q: "The other day I had an argument with a co-worker on whether or not it is acceptable to use sports references in a business meeting.  For example, our department is struggling to stay out of the red and we are searching for ways to cut the budget sort of like the Super Bowl bud light commercial.  I said, "I think we should fire Ted Nelson, he is kind of like Jamal Tinsley to the Pacers, no production but we pay a big salary while he goes out and gets drunk at strip clubs and fires his gun off like Yosimite Sam!!"  Is this acceptable?"
A: Uh, where to I start here Rob.  I think it really depends if your boss is a Pacers fan.  If you know he bleeds blue and gold, then I bet Ted is packing his sh*t up as we speak.  In general, its not so much whether using sports analogies is appropriate in a business meeting but knowing your audience is a must. 

3.) Skip Jenkins from Pandora Gilboa, OH writes:
Q: "I need some lifestyle consulting.  My friends are making fun of me because we had a  formal dinner event to attend and I wore my cowboy hat and boots.  I had a skinny string tie on though and a collared shirt with my wranglers.  I feel it is ok to express my country heritage.  Thoughts?
A: You may need more then lifestyle consulting there Tex.  Unless you are attending the rodeo, I'd advise against sporting your hat and boots in public.  That said, growing up country is not a bad thing and I encourage everyone to stick to their roots.  But if your roots consist of cowboy boots, then don't feel bad about modifying that approach.

4.) Byron Gladden from Indianapolis, IN writes:
Q: "I live a very hectic life due to my work schedule.  I'm always on the phone at all hours and am constantly on the go.  For ease of use, and comfort, I choose to wear a blue tooth in my ear.  This fits my lifestyle and I think it looks cool.  What does Bo Hogan think?
A: Bare with me because I have a lot of pent up frustrations on this one.  ANYBODY WHO WEARS A BLUE TOOTH IN THEIR EAR WHILE OUT IN PUBLIC SHOULD BE RIDICULED, MOCKED, LAUGHED AND POINTED AT!!  In the car, at the airport or while in the office is one thing and that is somewhat acceptable.  But in a restaurant, or at a club or bar, at a house party or sporting event, there is nothing more annoying then somebody rocking a blue tooth.  Oh, it gives you status alright.  Official big league turd status!!!  I need an aspirin.

5.)   Dusty Wallace from Talladega, FL writes:
Q: My friends and I are in our 30's and single.  We really for the most part want nothing to do with a relationship but are getting to that point in our lives where while prepared to go through life unmarried, we are still wanting to have kids.  I want to have that son that I can teach, coach and work with to become a star athlete and maybe get paid some day.  How can I do that without having to settle into a marriage?
A:  Dusty, you've come to the right place.  Here is the plan.  I assume that you and your friends like to frequent the clubs and night spots on the weekends and get absolutely hammered doing Jager bombs while standing in a group ogling the ladies but never make a move because your scared or insecure.  I have an idea for you.  Create a fictitious event and call it something that lines up with some type of sporting event, (eg. The Breeders Cup).  Make business cards with the event name, phone number and address and all the necessary information for attending.  Go to the bar, and be on the look out for ladies who are 5'9 and up and look like they can run a 4.3 forty and bench press an ox.  Those are your breeders.  They are the ones who can support a reproduction process that will bare you your super star athlete.  The goal is to get as many of those "breeders" invited to the party as possible.  Make it seem like a real exclusive event but make sure to tell them to dress casual.  Casual enough to run the shuttle drill, standing long jump and 40 meter dash.  You getting the drift?  Then, come time of the event, you require the "contestants" to perform the drills to gain entry to the party.  The rest is really pretty simple.  You just have to convince them to sleep with you, bare children illegitimately, and let you keep the child no strings attached.  Maybe make low self esteem one of the "breeder" criteria.  **Note: Bo Hogan is not advocating in the least bit the mistreatment of women nor are we downplaying the intelligence of the female.  The scheme is really a joke played on Dusty and his turd friends.  We've never actually tried to implement this scheme in any way at all.  Nor have we even spent more then 5 hours in a board room discussing the potential of such idea.)

Since bohogan.com has only been operational for a few weeks, we really only have five readers it appears but I hope you enjoyed the Q&A.  Feel free to use the contact us, to submit your bohogan lifestyle questions.

March Madness is always an appropriate time to discuss the intricacies of running a successful sports book, especially when the world famous Bookie Handbook has been mentioned in previous Bo Hogan lifestyle Consulting blogs, which are read by literally millions of people a day…  If you are a casual gambler, read no further.  This article is not intended for you and you shouldn’t be visiting this website anyways.  If you enjoy seeing, and subsequently taking down a mark, then you will end this article with a substantially higher understanding of how to do so.  Here a few pieces of advice for you motivated young gamblers out there…

Humble beginnings…
It’s time to start making some money.  Don’t expect or even accept large bets at first.  This is a classic rookie mistake.  Because you haven’t read far enough into this article yet, you don’t know what to do when someone wins a bet you can’t pay!  You might be tempted to actually pay them.  You also are not seasoned enough in your abilities to properly manage your client list and daily bet logs.  Having said all that, why do drug dealers give kids the first batch for free?  Same reason you’ll take small bets (and hope they win by the way)!  Inevitably they’ll ask for payment, at which time you will counter offer with a suggestion they will always love.  “Sure, here’s your money, although if you want I can just put you on a book and then as you continue to win I can pay you in one large lump sum each month”.  They will eat this up, because they will think they are going to win and images of receiving large checks each month will flash across their idiotic and gullible minds.  This will very likely be the last time they ever have reason to expect a payment from you, and will also (unbeknownst to them) be the start of a very dark time in their lives as they continue to escalate bet size to play catch up…


Yes, I can
That’s the answer to the question you will eventually be asked… “Can you take this action?”  Here’s the secret, doesn’t matter if you can or not!  More than likely, it won’t matter because they will lose, they usually do.  If they win, it will inspire confidence that they don’t deserve and they’ll bet more the next time and lose and you’re back in the black.    Over time, this pattern will always lead to good things for you and very, very bad things for them.  If they win and want to then immediately cash out, that’s a different story.  You will probably have to rough them up, or leave town for a while.  They’ve probably paid you enough by now for a nice vacation anyways.

Psychologicalism…
This is a real word used to describe your eventual ability to make people do stupid things, like make a bet with you instead of a website.  A good example would be dropping hints at a great betting opportunity, like “Man, Duke is going to KILL Texas.  I can’t believe that line is so low…”  Then, when they ask what the line is, you take the number of points Duke is favored by and double it, giving Texas twice the advantage they had before.  The mere fact that they asked you what the line was means they didn’t know the answer anyways, so you could say whatever you want!  Then maybe drop one more little piece of bait like “Damn, I shouldn’t have said that in front of you… I guess you can still bet if you want though”.  Now simply look upset with yourself for the gambling advice you’ve just handed out, accept the bet, and collect your money.

Negotiations…
This last tip is not for the newcomer and may apply more to the making, as opposed to taking of bets… Only seasoned professionals like Tom Hammer and myself should attempt it.  You must be armed with numerous stats (real or fake, doesn’t matter unless they can prove otherwise), an argumentative nature, and most importantly a goal bet.  If you know, for example, that Roger Federer is a 2:1 favorite to be the 2009 Wimbledon champion, why not see if you can get 4:1??  Your argument… “2:1 is ridiculous!!! (be emphatic by yelling and hitting something) Federer is injured, hasn’t been playing well lately, has an ugly girlfriend, just flew back from Dubai on the red eye, and can’t beat Nadal!  Come on man… (Attempt to receive sympathy at this point) I need 4:1 or I can’t do it”.  The gambler at this point is forced to make a decision.  Because you said you “can’t” do it, it’s either give you 4:1, or don’t bet.  Gambling is addictive; the thought of not betting is more than likely not an option for the person you’re negotiating with.  You win (unless Federer loses, in which case your points from the argument all look valid and you have better negotiating ground next time). 

Other quick hits:

·      No websites or business cards.  What you’re doing is Illegal, dummy
·      Accept bets on everything… Reality TV, natural disasters, elections, etc…
·      Always claim you don’t keep any of the clients personal information
·      Always keep the clients personal information
·      Have at least one friend who’s willing to claim you have mafia connections
·      Don’t worry about getting the money up front… No one will make huge ridiculous bets if they have to pay for it in advance!
·      Go to Las Vegas a lot.  This isn’t necessary for being a good bookie, but I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t see why this is a good idea…

Penned by:
Sam Rothstein Jr.

Unless you live in a bomb shelter, or on an Amish farm you are aware that the NCAA tournament has tipped off and March Madness has once again gained a strangle hold on sports fans lives.  Let me just say that I love to gamble, so the NCAA tournament and all the bracket opportunities is like putting one of the biggest loser contestants in a room full of pastries, french fries and un-diet soda!!  You know they're going to eat that sh*t up and that's what I do with these brackets every year.  I devour every statistic known to man, apply complicated scientific formulas, re-read my bookie handbook and watch game film of all 64 teams. I know I'm not alone in my love and passion for the almighty bracket, so I thought I'd take a few moments to hand out some pointers on how to be sure your bracket garners the necessary attention in your office pool.   Follow these tips closely and I'll guarantee you at the very least, you will get double the enjoyment watching the continuous coverage on CBS. 

1.) Always make sure you select teams whose name is a sexual innuendo.  The example here is Morehead St.  How lucky are students that go to Morehead?  I can see the t-shirts on the printing press after their upset of Louisville in the first round.  "Craven Morehead in 2009!" 
2.) Make sure you pick teams whose nickname refers to drug paraphernalia.  The example here is the Zags from Gonzaga.  Fun fact, John Stockton went to Gonzaga way back in the day, and he lived above a bar!!!  What's more impressive, a guy making it to the NBA and breaking the all-time assist record coming from the college of Gonzaga, or a guy making it to the NBA who lived above a bar in college.  Tough pick.
3.) Avoid selecting teams whose name appears as three words on your bracket.  Stephen F. Austin, East Tennessee State, North Dakota State, Cal State Northridge.  Enough said!!  Three names means some guy invented a college and all the normal state names or city names were taken by real colleges so he thought being real specific with the geographical location and/or affiliation to the local municipality would be a good idea.  I'm too lazy to look this up but I'm going to claim that not one team with three names and over has ever won the tournament or probably even a game.
4.) Don't let patriotism influence your bracket.  American will always be a sentimental favorite but there is no way in hell you should risk winning money on a school who felt obliged to name themselves after the country we live in.  I mean, if you really think about it, every school in the bracket could be called American.  You know what makes this situation worse is that American plays in the Patriot league and their school newspaper is the Eagle.  I'm sure their fight song is the star spangled banner for Christ sake. 
5.)  If you are confused on a specific game, give yourself the "where would I rather go party" question and you are almost 100% guaranteed to pick the winner.  I was completely perplexed on Utah vs. Arizona so I posed the mental question.  I'm sure Utah has a pretty campus but I bet their bars suck! 

If you follow these rules and guidelines, and apply the necessary discipline I have no doubts that you will be winners.  In fact, regardless of what the score board reads at the end of the game, in your heart and in your soul you will know that you followed a rigorous process and you are indeed a winner.  At the very least you will be a bigger winner then those losers that went to college at American.  *Note: If you are reading this and went to American I'm sorry.  I tease because I love.

Lastly, from the opening tip I'll be watching like a hawk, living and dieing with each and every play and telling everyone who will listen that I picked the big upset.  I mean, its easy math to figure out that if you do 64 different brackets you have a decent chance of predicting that amazing upset  At any rate, if you are like me, make sure you have the tissues close during one shining moment and join me in prayer as I pray that Billy Packer won't come out of retirement and ruin the national championship game.  Give me Dickie V BABY!!!  "Get this, this kids a diaper dandy, a real high flyer and his moms an engineer, his moms an engineer BABY!!!!!" Amen!!!!!

Penned by:
Tom Hammer

I just returned from a long weekend trip to New York city where I was visiting my sister and brother-in-law who had recently bought a new apartment in the upper west side of Manhattan.  I feel compelled to blog a bit about my experience in order to impress on our readership the uniqueness of living a NYC life style and potentially consult you on how best to maximize the precious time you have in the big city. 

First and foremost, if and when you see a large gathering of people making a lot of noise and you see a lot of fist pumping and unbridled enthusiasm make sure you make a bee line to that area and throw yourself into the experience.  Let me cite a few examples of what I encountered this past weekend:

Example A:  Friday afternoon in Manhattan, after taking the subway to the lower east side to hit up the half price Broadway ticket stand, to my dismay all the naked shows were sold out, we came upon a large gathering of people.  Not exactly an odd occurrence in the city, but two of the ring leaders in the center of the crowd had bull horns, and were wearing referee shirts while standing in an inflated ring filled with apple sauce.  Picture Will Farrell in old school officiating the K-Y jelly wresting contest which unfortunately caused Joseph "Blue" Palowski to go down effectively ending his stint as the best character in the entire show, maybe even comedy history. (See picture above for visual reference to what over stimulated ol' Blue)  I digress.  After pressing closer to see what was happening, it became apparent that the 50 or so people standing around the ring screaming and yelling and chanting weren't really apple sauce wresting enthusiasts but rather extras in the filming of a "TRUTH.com" segment.  If you aren't familiar with that organization, they do the anti-smoking bits which I found rather ironic seeing that the majority of the "actors" were firing back heaters, that's smokes for you mental midgets, in between takes!!  At any rate, what a great experience on my first day in the city to see an actual commercial set.  I joined in the chants, gave a few high fives and bummed a few smokes from the cast and crew.

Example B:  Sunday afternoon, browsing the over priced Banana Republic sued shoe collection, I noticed a large group of people all dressed in green and white gathering outside of the bar across the street.  I looked closer and it is absolute bedlam.  This group of guys was obviously celebrating something with no regard for pedestrians or oncoming vehicles as they spilled out into the street.  I sprinted to investigate and it turns out they were all watching the Rugby world cup and their team had obviously garnered an impressive victory.  I found myself embracing grown men, in green striped boxers and wife beaters and putting little kids on my shoulders.  I'm not sure where they were from but I've never seen a group of people more happy to be drunk as pigs at 11:00am on a Sunday.  Obviously I was impressed, and followed them back into the bar at the orders of the NYPD, and joined in the post game celebration.  Irish car bombs for everyone!!! 

My second take away from my visit to the big apple is you should always plan your trip close to some type of major holiday.  This doubles the chance that you'll get to experience some sort of bizarre situation or illicit road side activities of some sort.  Being in NYC so close to St. Patrick's Day, which happens to be my second favorite holiday of the year after Flag Day, was also a life altering experience.  On Friday night, as we closed in on the 4th or 5th bar of our unplanned mini-bar crawl, we entered the oldest bar in NYC which happens to be an Irish pub.  As you can imagine, it was assholes to elbows in that joint and we only got a table because one of the workers remembers my sister as the big chested blonde (he actually referred to her in this context).  The table we got happened to be directly next to the coal burning stove that they used to heat the entire place.  We were just happy to have a seat so we didn't complain.  That is until my brother-in-law was suffering from dehydration literally within minutes of sitting down due to the unbearable heat that this archaic heating device was throwing out.  Sweltering isn't even close to being a powerful enough adjective.  The good news was they serve 2 pints per man at a time and the beers were coming fast and furious.  If it weren't for the onslaught of beers that came our direction, I'm certain we would have gave in to the 3rd degree burns we all were suffering from.  Aside from the heat, this place was awesome.  Just pure debauchery, with every patron getting tanked on light or dark draft beer.  Those were the two options.  Not Smithwicks, or Guinness, or Harp or Bass.  Just light or dark.  It seemed like the entire bar would break out into song every 15 minutes or so.  I was stunned at one point as I removed my cap and joined in the singing of the national anthem almost moved to tears.  The irony of singing the Star Spangled Banner in an authentic Irish bar owned by real life Irishmen made it all the more impressive.  There was one bid of sound and imagery that was less then impressive but I have to stamp it as the comedic pennacle of the entire trip.  Watch the youtube video attached below to take it all in but to give the quick background.  After complaining a bit, and threatening the drunken worker who offended my sister with a sexual harassment law suit we were placed at a better table by the front door.  Next to us sat a group of guys all surrounding one lady who apparently had a skill that you wouldn't think would be utilized in an Irish bar with piss drunk people.  From time to time, the guys would start pleading with her and then she'd just stop and break out in full fledged opera style singing.  At one point, her biggest adoring fan even gave an eyes closed arm pump that was from the depths of his soul.  The video clip sets the scene as you can really capture how proud her table mates were of her opera voice, often shushing the crowd, while our table reacted in the appropriate manner....appalled!! 

In summary, NYC in March close to St. Patti's day, or any time of the year for that matter is a wonderful experience.  Remember, to always join the mob and throw your inhibitions to the wind and in case you ever hear opera in an Irish pub, feel free to act accordingly which means lots of disgusted head shakes and general mocking of the situation.