Maybe we're degenerates, maybe we're wired a little loose or maybe we're just really super smart.  Anyway you cut it, Sam Rothstein Jr. and I recently proved that there literally isn't ever a 15 minute period of time where you couldn't be making a wager on something during a night out on the town. 

If you've seen the show I Bet You then you may feel like we are just copying.  (Ed. Note: I Bet You is a show about the lives of best friends and professional poker players Phil "The Unabomber" Laak and Antonio "The Magician" Esfandiari as they wandered the streets of America betting and daring each other on anything and everything that inspired them, using their own money)

But the reality is, we proved a mundane evening at a local watering hole can be transformed into a spectacular Vegas fueled rager that leaves you breathless and probably rich.  If not rich, then probably fulfilled with countless stories bordering on hilarity, where you and your wagering partner have plenty of cheap laughs. 

For proof, here is a log of wagers that Sam Rothstein Jr. and I recently made during a normal Saturday evening where we visited a few standard bars.  We weren't focused on volume of wagers but rather the quality and what we were left with is steady action that would make any random degenerate, who spends 7 nights a week at Hoosier Park betting on the ponies, salivate.

#1- 1 Unit ($10) on whether the bartender will ask for my ID.  Result:  She doesn't proving once again that I'm way to old to be going to bars in the hip district of Indianapolis past 6:00pm.  (Ed. Note:  The mere fact that Tom uses "hip" proves he's an old bastard)

#2- 1 Unit that the left fielder for the University of Oregon will either strikeout, walk or get hit by a pitch.  Result:  He grounds out to second and I'm down a quick 2 units.

#3- 2 units on a coin flip during commercial break from the baseball game.  Result:  Tails never fails and I'm back to even.  The swings are awesome when you will accept a coin flip bet at a moments  notice.  (Ed. Note:  Sam and Tom spent 4 hours one evening wagering on low rent cage fights at the Indianapolis fairground,only to risk the net difference on a coin flip in the parking lot after the fights)

#4- 1 unit over/under on the # of times we could ask the bar tender to turn up the jukebox before we are told "no" or there is a stern refusal.  Sam sets the total at 2.5.  I take the over.  Result:  After the 2nd time, the heavily tattooed bar back grunts and waves us off. (Ed. Note:  I protested the bet as I had no control over what song was playing. I guess when you ask somebody to turn up a Brittany Spears song more then twice you will be scorned.)

#5- 2 units on whether or not I could use "The House of Batiotis" in a normal conversation with somebody outside of our party without them asking questions or making some type if inquisitive remark.  Result:  I successfully work in "The House of Batiotis" into two conversations.  "All are welcome to the house of Batiotis" and "It's hotter then the House of Batiotis in here!".  (Ed note:  For those of you who aren't familiar with the Starz cable tv show "Spartacus" I suggest you go to netflix and rent the first season.  Violent, soft porn at it's best)

#6- 1 Unit over/under on the waitresses age.  This is a common bet that we always seem to make.  A lot of times its a set up so that I can take the opportunity to guess way over leaving the young waitress broken and low on self esteem.  This plays perfect to Sam's strengths and he can swoop in as the good cop and make amends.  Sam sets the total at 28 (Ed note:  The girl is clearly under 22).  I guess within one mila-second of him making the total, "OVER, WAAAAY OVER!".  The waitress, flabbergasted, says she  just turned 21 and I act like I'm completely floored.  Result:  I take one for the team leaving us even.

#7- 3 units (Ed note:  The unit total usually goes up the later in the evening it gets and the more drinks Sam and Tom have had) on a NCAA Div II softball game.  Result:  Not sure.

#8- 5 units on over/under for people in the bar with mustaches.  Sam sets the total at 6 and I take the under.  Result:  After finding our first duster, laughing and pointing, we are engaged in a terse conversation with the self proclaimed fire fighter causing us to forget about the bet.

#9- 3 units on over/under for # of skin terminations that I can achieve in a one hour period.  (Ed. Note:  "Skin termination" is when two people blatantly telegraph an enthusiastic high five and/or fist bump and Tom anticipates and breaks up the exchange while shouting "SKIN TERMINATOR!!!!".)  I take the over, obviously over confident in my skills.  Result:  Apparently, after midnight, people don't appreciate you stalking their conversations waiting to abruptly break in and shut down a high five.  Way under.

#10. Final bet of the evening before the looming black out, 10 units on a coin flip.  Result:  Tails fails and I'm down triple digits in a hurry.

#11.  Ok, just one more.  15 units on the coin flip.  Result:  Tails is back.  We're even again, or at least we agree to be even so the betting can stop for the night!!!!

Because, I think it's important that people step back and take notice of one of the greatest sporting events in the world, I'm dedicated to blogging a bit about the World Cup that kicked off today in South Africa.  The Indy Agenda has done a great job covering it so far and I hope to add value.  After World Cup game #1, I learned a couple of things:

1.) I will watch most of the games on mute because A.) The announcers are bloody terrible. B.) Those kazoo’s bring back memories of my 5th birthday party marred by a drunken clown incident.

2.) The ESPN halftime coverage would do well to include Charles Barkley and Bill Walton.  The intentional and unintentional comedy would reach grand proportions with this dynamic duo. 

3.) Blanco is my new favorite player because he reminds me of drunken over 40 neighbor who would join in the back yard tee ball games. He would have a beer belly and really tried to hustle but kids would run circles around him.

4.) I will always root for the African side in any world cup game. A.) They are fun to watch as they always have some skilled on the ball players. B.) Their goal celebrations are better then a Ocho Cinco TD.

5.) ESPN should go to picture and picture, one of the pitch and the second of the closest local bar or cantina where rowdy fans are gathered to cheer for their favorite side.

6.) Sal Masakela gets to go to all the cool cultural events. You know he’s got the weed connect in every city in the world.

7.) ESPN needs to hold an interview in the stands with the drunkest fan every 15 minutes.  In general, I think this segment should be added to every live game broadcast in any sport.  I mean, look at the views the Joe Namath interview got when he was the drunkest guy ever on the sidelines of an NFL game.

8.) Soccer should allow fighting similar to the NHL.  If I run into some guy and he flops to the ground to fake an injury, I think its justified to land a few hey makers.

9.) This world cup will be full of upsets.  If Maradonna doesn't take off his pants during a game, that would be considered the biggest upset, right?

10.) I can't wait for the U.S vs. England contest.  Anytime the fate of the entire country is riding on a sporting event, count me in to watch.  If the U.S pulls the upset, the Euro might drop .50 cents on the dollar.  (That's a lot for you currency dummies).

I want to say up front that there is no more annoying sports team in the entire world then Duke Blue Devil basketball. So it was not to my surprise when I went to my source for "unusual sports stats" that I found the following results.  They have overwhelming leads in the following college basketball categories:
1.) Most unnecessary floor slaps feigning aggressive unwilling to bend defense followed by a chicken shit flop to draw an offensive foul.
2.) Most tears immediately following a game ending buzzer.
3.) Most elongated man hugs following important wins.
4.) Most initiated cheap shots in order to induce retaliation and then a grammy worthy reaction to draw technical and intentional fouls on opponents.
5.) Most assistant coaches
6.) Most assistant coaches who incite the crowd with arm waving and over exaggerated emotional outburst.
7.) Most white guys with terrible hair cuts.
8.) Most blatant pushes in the back while garnering rebounds
9.) Most incredulous reactions to obvious foul calls.
10.) Most unnecessary huddles held outside of time out situations

Nobody from Indy: Alright, how about we start a back-and-forth about basketball? I'll roll out some topics, you pick whatever you want to respond to, and then we'll get it going.

Why is the NBA so unpopular? Is it because the April to June playoff schedule drags on for an eternity? Because fantasy basketball is too much like actual work? Bad will left over from the Donaghy/Bavetta refereeing scandal?
 
My quick take: I think fans hate the current style of play that rewards superstars who crash into the paint to draw fouls. With the flopping and constant whining to officials...NBA games are turning into Italian soccer matches. I personally hate watching 4 offensive players stand idle while D-Wade or Lebron barrels into the paint, screaming, hoping to draw a foul. Also, there don't seem to be many good rivalries anymore. I realize you can't have another Artest melee, but are refs too quick to whistle players for technical fouls?

Finally, does Dallas feature enough strippers to accommodate the upcoming NBA all-star weekend? Do we have sufficient reserves of cannabis, dancing poles, skanks and cognac that can be air-lifted in if necessary?

Bohogan.com: In Sarah Palin type fashion, I went ahead and scribbled some notes on my hand so I could remember the key points I wanted to make in this interview/Q&A.  Unfortunately my hands tend to sweat when I type so now I have a blurry mess of ink on my palms, my balls are literally blue and I can't see my letters on the keyboard.  At any rate, I want you to know up front that I won't answer any questions on foreign policy, energy independence or our founding fathers unless I have 15 minutes to google on my blackberry. (Ed. Note: Long ackward pause.....)  Wait, this is about the NBA??  Oh sh*t, I'm all over this like stink on spaghetti.  Let's get started.

Why is the NBA so unpopular?

Listen, I think fans are smarter then the leagues, their commissioners and certainly the players give them credit for and they are fed up.  Basketball fans are addicted to the game, sort of the way reality TV fanatics are addicted to Survivor.  Sure they like to see the women in skimpy bikini's wrestling each other to get a hold of a leather satchel that contains puzzle pieces, but the real reason they watch is the love of the game.  The strategy, the mind games, the team work, the skill and the rivalries are the draw.  You can scribble that same parallel to basketball.  Real basketball fans see it as art in motion where teamwork and hustle exemplify the passion to win, not an individual contest draped with showmanship, selfishness and greed.

The current NBA product that saunters onto courts facing empty arenas in this day and age falls short in all the areas that are important to real fans.  The NBA is isolation basketball where the best player goes 1 on 5.  Teamwork is coordinating a high five routine during starting line ups, not moving the ball or helping on defense.  The NBA is running one handers and out of control bull rushes to the rim flopping for fouls, not pretty pull up jumpers off stiff picks & perfect bounce passes.  Skill these days means dribbling for 15 out of the 24 seconds on the shot clock before pulling up for a contested fade away.  Stockton and Malone's pick and roll was a thing of beauty and even though the pasty gangster wasn't flashy, and truck stop Malone wasn't articulate, the fans loved it because it was good basketball.

The fans aren't fooled even though the athletes these days are far superior to the golden years.  Yea, it's fun to see tomahawk dunks and high rising lobs but somewhere inside every fan is a critic that wants to see the game played the right way.  I know I risk sounding like John Wooden or your grandpa Ned, but it's the truth.

There are other reasons why I think the NBA isn't popular but I honestly think that the fans are basketball purists more then they are And 1 Mix Tap fanatics.  "OH BABY!!! THE PROFESSOR, THE PROFESSOR, OVER TO SICK WIT IT, LOBS TO HOT SAUCE.....DAMMMMMMNNNNNN....OH BABY!!! (Screamed in my best court side And 1 Mix Tape tour announcer voice).


Is the NBA season too long and does that contribute to the unpopularity?

With the physicality of the game, the caliber of athletes and the style of play these days I really think that 82 games is way too many.  I know the immediate argument to that would be that the old Celtics, Lakers, Pistons and Bulls played 82 and seemed to bring it every night and my answer to that simply is, those players actually had a sense of pride and accountability.  Plus, the purple haze these guys get today is much worse for the lungs which limits the number minutes they can play at full capacity. 

But in all seriousness, with 82 games, a single regular season game diminishes in importance and there is less motivation to go out and play hard.  Naturally I think that if you are getting paid millions to win you have a responsibility to play hard each and every night or maybe you might even have a competitive fire that won't allow you to take nights off but who am I.  Wait, I just had an idea, what if every players pay had some % tied to win/loss record in a profit sharing arrangement with the organization.  That might light a fire during these regular season games, OR on the flip side we might have to read double the Tracy McGrady type articles about players demanding trades.  I wish I could send an email to my boss demanding he put me on a new project because this one I'm on now is over budget and behind schedule.  And then light him up in the newspapers. 

Have you watched the first quarter of an NBA regular season game lately?  A rerun episode of the NEW 90210 is more compelling.  These guys come out hobbling around as if the 45 minute pre-game warm-up was used as a happy hour social gathering with the other team.  Oh wait, that's exactly what happens.  I watch these guys laugh it up and high five and I think, you know that dude he's talking to isn't even funny AND he probably f'd his girlfriend.  Man, A.C Green would never chat it up with McHale before a game and he definitely didn't F anyone's girlfriend b/c that guy was a virgin at 40.  Not to go on a tangent, but I think A.C Green making it 15 years in the NBA as a virgin is actually MORE impressive then Wilt the Stilt having sex with 100,000 women.  I digress.

Moral of this long winded ansewr is, I would love to see the league shorten the schedule to 70 games for starters.  This takes away 12 games, probably four weeks of the regular season.  I think the quality of play would improve and it would solidify the fact that nobody would ever break Wilts 100,000 record as they would lose a month to do it.

What do you think was more amazing, A.C Green celibacy or Wilt's promiscuous behavior?

Nobody from Indy:
I'm not being the least bit contrarian when I state emphatically that Chamberlain having relations with over 20,000 women is more remarkable. He did this before the days of the internet...or even cell phones! Think of how much tougher it must have been to meet skanks! 

As a former D1 player, what type of team would you rather coach: a superstar surrounded by role players (OSU) or a veteran team with 3 really good-but-not-great players (Purdue)? Similarly, is it better to chase the 1-and-done guys like Calipari has done at Memphis and UK or build veteran teams like Painter has done in West Lafayette? Who's going to be more dangerous in March?

Bohogan.com (2 weeks later):
A little late on the response as I was still trying to draw some composure after reading your response in regards to Wilt's astonishing accomplishment.  I didn't even think of the communication angle which is obviously huge.  Do you think if Wilt had a facebook, twitter and myspace account he would have reached 50,000?  And if he had Skype and engaged in cyber sex would that have counted?

Here's the thing about college hoops right now.  I honestly feel that college basketball is back and when I say that I mean, it finally has regained it's magic after the years of suffering due to the fact that the best of the best high school players were fleeing to the NBA bypassing college. 

Just think about all the great college games and teams that we missed b/c of this missing rule.  Starting w/ big Moses Malone in 1974, who really didn't have a college option because he wasn't exactly  "Good Will Hunting" in terms intelligence. And then onto K.G in 1995, followed by Kobe and Jermaine O'Neil, then T-Mac, Al Harrington and Rahard Lewis.  Into the 2000's which brought Lebron, Dwight Howard, Tyson Chandler, Amare Stoudemire, Josh Smith and Andrew Bynum.  I still get goose bumps thinking about Lebron playing at Ohio State in the big ten, or Kobe at Duke.  Could you imagine an NCAA final four where Lebron's buckeyes battled Cuse and Mellow while D. Wade and Marquette took on Georgetown and Dwight Howard.  Sick.

The one year rule is huge and I think it is great for basketball in the U.S in general.  As a former college athlete, small college DII, I can tell you that the most important year of basketball development was the first year of college ball.  It's an introduction to better athletes for one but secondly, its your first real opportunity to learn about your weaknesses and what you need to improve.  I don't want to sound like Tom Emansky or Steve Palowski, , but truly whether its high school ball or even summer leagues and AAU circuits, good young players play off their strengths and get away with it because nobody can expose their weaknesses.  You are supposed to learn the fundamentals in high school but a lot of coaches are ill equipped.  In college you learn the fundamentals or you don't play, and you get abused in practice. 

But even the one year rule presents a dilemma to college coaches as you mention.  Do you exhaust recruiting resources like John Calipari going after the one and dones?  Or do you find guys who are solid players but don't have that unlimited ceiling that will lure the NBA scouts?  Think about my squad the Buckeyes.  If guys would have stayed they would be starting Mike Conley, Daequan Cook, Evan Turner, Greg Oden, Kosta Kufus and bringing "George Murasean" a.k.a B.J Mullens off the bench.  "Gargamel" a.k.a Thad Matta went the one and done route and has a championship appearance and several big 10 titles.  So you can't argue against the strategy.  Calipari was a bricked FT away from winning it all with Memphis and has had top 5 teams religiously.  Like Fred McGriff's instructional video, you can't argue the results of the one and done methodology.  In summary, I think you recruit the best kids possible, players that fit your style and system and let the chips fall.

Lastly, in regards to the current NCAA season, like McDonald's "I'm Lovin it".  (Cough...) Wow that was cheesy, but I'm gonna let it ride.  There is such parity this year and even though teams like Kansas, Syracuse, and Villanova have been up top all year, unlike North Carolina last year, they are beatable.  In the end, I love Villanova because I have a man crush on Scottie Reynolds.  That guy is the balls.  I laid $10 and got 15 to 1 on them to win it all so that just stokes my burning Cat desire.

My good friends over at The Nobody from Indy blog spot have kindly asked ol' Tom Hammer to participate in a good old fashioned town hall, tea party, type Q&A around important matters concerning the NBA.  Click on their blog link above to see the opening post.  My first segment of responses will be posted soon and I will repost them here for our loyal readership.

As I commented, "I just appreciate the opportunity to wax nostalgic and talk about the good ol’ days of the NBA when the shooting %’s were higher then the players and the shorts tighter then the cheerleaders and groupies.

In the event my email server crashes, Bill Walton and I will send smoke signals from the tee-pee in his back yard. Look forward to the friendly banter and as Patrick “Buck” Ewing once said and I quote, “She fondled my junk, I got aroused and she performed oral sex. Then I left.”

I'm probably the only NBA fan who when hearing two words, "punch" and "Pacers" in a sentence, doesn't immediately think of Ronnie Artest wading up into the stands in Detroit to hurl several hay makers at fans who had doused him with draft beer. 

No, something quite different comes to mind and the slow sting of bruised up pride and ashamed embarrassment floods over me and soon my mind slips away to row 15 section 20 @ Canseco Fieldhouse.

Before I go into this story, let me just say that this is an absolutely and positively honest account of a situation that I encountered. 

Let me start from the beginning.  I'm a Boston Celtics fan.  Have been my whole life.  Some of my fondest childhood memories were watching the C's battle the Lakers. 

I would hang on every shot by Larry Bird, every rebound by the Chief and every up and under by McHale.  I would cringe anytime the camera got that classic close up of DJ at the foul line. I would shout obscenities just like Danny Ainge after a particularly bad call.

I nicknamed my goldfish "Cornbread" after Maxwell and my turtle "Tiny" after Archibald. 

I've suffered through the unfortunate and untimely deaths of Len Bias and Reggie Lewis.  The equally painful drafts that included the likes of Brad Lohaus, Brian Shaw, Dee Brown, Rick Fox and Acie Earl of whom I'd often said had a worse career then Len Bias who died before every taking the floor in an NBA game. 

I've stuck by the green and white through every ill advised Antoine Walker three and every Ron Mercer fade away, through Chris Fords unfortunate mustache and Joe Klien's amazingly snug shorts in which I'm still convinced he hid a pet boa constrictor. 

So it was no surprise to my wife and anybody that knows me that several years ago, when the last place Celtics came to Indianapolis to play the Pacers I clamored for tickets like it was the NBA finals game 7. 

The C's weren't the present day "big three" Celts this was the young Paul Pierce minus Antoine Walker C's who led the league in turnovers missed threes and attempted block shots.

The Pacers were good as this was the Reggie Miller led Indy squad with the pipe hitting Davis brothers, Jalen Rose and the dunking Dutchman Rick Smits who owned one of the more underrated staches of all time.  It was blonde, pencil thin and so, so creepy. 

I went to the game with low expectations.  My wife, girlfriend at the time, Mishawna had to prod me to even throw on my favorite green tee with the cigar smoking leprechaun twirling a ball on his finger. So I stuffed myself into it even though I had out grown the size medium several years prior.

Once arriving to Canseco I could tell there was a little electricity in the air.  It was Larry Bird bobble head night complete with the shoddy permed out hair and push broom dusty.  They gave one to the first 1,000 fans so of course I got one being that we needed to arrive several hours early to watch warm ups.

The seats were good in Section 20, which is behind the hoop but low.  Not quite ear piece level, I'll explain all the seat designations at NBA games for a later post, but low enough to see that the Pace mates were mostly past their prime ex-strippers who muffin topped out of their tight sequence boy shorts. 

My usual behavior at any basketball game typically consists of lots of barking at the referees, snide remarks to opposing fans and relentless heckling of the other team. 

For some reason, despite more prodding from my girlfriend, I remained well behaved through out the entire first half.  Not even a loud "TURD" chant when Miller was at the line.  No, "Hey Dusty, pull up your shorts or tuck in your underwear!" insult at Smits.  Nothing.

I sat silent and watched a good NBA basketball game, sipped my beer, nibbled on a pretzel and watched my C's get down by 10 at the halftime buzzer.

I think it was that time of the season when the C's were basically playing for draft lottery position and my hopes for the playoffs had already been smashed with a hammer, kicked by mule and smothered with a pillow.

Maybe that's what made me so docile.  Or maybe it was the devils lettuce? 

As I went  to the concession for a hot dog, nachos and ice cream, I remarked to Mishawna how nice the Pacers fans were and how they really knew basketball.  They clapped at appropriate times and appreciated the small fundamentals of the game rewarding their players for hustle plays and good passing.

Little did i know that there also were some mentally unstable violent fans with an affinity for sucker punching innocent bystanders. 

As the 3rd quarter tipped, I noticed that the Pacers left their intensity in the locker room and the undermanned Celtics came out firing.  The lead started to diminish.  The crowd started to get restless. 

By the 5 minute mark the game was tied and the C's had the ball.  Paul Pierce had the ball at the elbow and executed a perfect step back jumper. 

Sensing the upset, I slowly got to my feet and started clapping as the teams went to the bench.  It wasn't an obnoxious clap aimed at drawing the faithfuls ire.  It was an appreciative clap, understanding that a team with nothing to play for was giving an earnest effort.

Then it happened. 

I felt somebody stand up behind me and push through the crowd for what seemed to me a trip to the aisle way.  All of sudden out of nowhere I felt this powerful "THWWACK!" straight across my face.

Shocked, I twirled around and I saw some grown ass man with child like features standing in the aisle with double middle fingers up, looking at me screaming "F*CK YOU MAN!, F*CK YOU MAN!"  He seemed distraught like he was going to cry.  And then he sprinted up the stairs to the exit.

Still somewhat stunned, I instinctively start clawing through my row heading towards the isle.  I'm not much of a fighter but the adrenaline had crept in and I was all kinds of fired up.

I felt a hand around my arm dissuading me from pursuit.  I turned and its Mishawna and I pause to notice that she is dying laughing.  Like in tears, violently shaking laughter.  I start to get even more pissed and I'm yelling.  "What the hell just happened?"  I started to examine the crowd with my arms up, like "what the f?". 

Nobody would make eye contact and a few people were snickering.  I grew more and more incensed.  "HOW CAN SOMEBODY JUST PUNCH SOMEBODY AT A BASKETBALL GAME?" I was screaming.  Still no answers, no sympathy.  I felt like the butt of a joke.

Missy finally calmed herself down and whispers, he didn't punch you he slapped you.  Sensing that this wasn't what I wanted to hear, she put her hand up to her mouth like.."shhhhhhh".  I'm still enraged.  She can't quit laughing though as I berated her with questions.  "Where was he sitting?  Who was he with?".  I got snot bubbles and hysteria, doubled over laughter.

I'm way tired of it by this point and I said in my sternest voice possible, "Look, its not f*cking funny.  That hurt and I don't appreciate you laughing".  Finally she caught her breath and said, "you can't be mad".  I responded, "Why the hell not".

Then she droped it on me.  "He was....he was special!".  My mind wasn't functioning and I couldn't comprehend.  I said "what do you mean special."  She said, "he wasn't all up there Tom, he was retarded!" 

My face turned twelve shades of purple and I buried my head in my hands.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  I just looked at Missy, grabbed my beer and finished it in one swallow. 

I barely remember the rest of the game and in fact I can't even remember who won. 

What I do remember is that weekend I'm at a bar with some friends and I'm telling them the story.  I get finished and all my boy can say is, "Dude, you got b*tch slapped by a re-tard at a basketball game!" in between howls of laughter.

So no, when I see people in Indianapolis wearing the old Indianapolis Puncher shirt made after the Auburn Hills Palace incident, I don't think of Ron Artest, I think of the "special" one and his five fingers who talked to my face and said....slap!!!



I

Hey folks, once again our content has been as intermittent as a 80 year old piss stream due to an enlarged prostate!!!  That said, we promise to ramp up our effort.  Apparently becoming a full time professional gambler, holding down a "regular" job and trying to tie off all 15 of your  new years resolutions proves to create a time crunch.  That said, it isn't lost on us that a lot of you readers are completely paralyzed in your day to day as you don't have fresh content from our esteemed lifestyle consultants to keep you going.  That can and will change.

To start with, let me provide a link to the newest and best blog on the internet from a high esteemed bohogan.com contributor.  The Nobody from Indywill be a definite bookmark and frequently visited resource for all bohogan consultants.

We all have some ideas to do some back and forth, to and fro', mano-emano type banter!!  It will be rich and compelling.

BTW, I want to clear up a few things under FAQ.  #1, Yes, Bohogan.com is pager friendly.  #2, Masturbating on a plan is not illegal is just is frowned upon.

Based on the toilet paper in my trees, eggs dripping off my windows and plastic forks in my yard I'm guessing the betting public was less then thrilled with the gambling advice laid forward here on the web site thus far. 
Current Standings:
THE Don Trotter: 1-3
bohogan consultant staff: 1-2

But like Dickie V. said in his emotion stirring speech, "don't give up...don't ever give up!" (Ed. Note: Tom Hammer was caught weeping in front of his pc, dozens of times during Jimmie V. week as he replayed the ESPY speech)

Don Trotter will be back with some super stone cold pipe hitting locks that are guaranteed to pay for your Xmas and then some.  There are some serious leans right now in the direction of "the U", Arkansas, UCLA and some hard hitting over/under calls.  Stay tuned.

The staff (Hammer and Rothstein Jr.) would like to bring forward a Xmas eve special tonight just for those dedicated readers who have taken the time on Xmas eve to actually read this site.  I think there were 100 hits yesterday in looking at the stats so I appreciate those of you who are accidentally navigating to our cite while you were really trying to access your bodog.com account.

Christmas Eve Special:
Nevada-13 over SMU- The Mustangs are in a bowl game for the first time it seems since Eric Dickerson and his rec spec goggles donned a red and blue uniform.  Their defense is as soft as a hershey kiss in the summer and even though Nevada will be missing 2,000 yards worth of rushing in the form of injuries, I literally think they could plug in a polio stricken sailor and rush for 200.  This game may set the record for points in the game.  The over/under is currently set at 72 and is tempting to take the over.  Nevada's defensive backs remind me of five #22 McDonalds from the Cleveland Browns.

On a side note, have you ever seen a player that is so bad, #22 McDonald, that you have to wonder whether the player has some serious black mail information on a coach hence the extended amounts of PT that player is getting.  I think Brandon #22 McDonald has some photo's of Eric Mangini that would make Oscar Delahoya's lingirie escapades look like Good House Keeping fodder. 

At any rate, take the Wolfpack and lay the points.  I don't care if June Jones makes his return to Hawaii, was that guy ever a good coach anyway? 

Here's the rub, the scoop the shizzle. 

In an effort to give our readers a chance to get a jump start on recouping that money you just spent on the sham-wow or snuggie for your loved one, we want to post Don Trotter's exclusive college bowl picks. 


For grins and giggles, Sam Rothstein and myself will provide our own personal picks, if anything to show you how professional Mr. Trotter actually is vs. the two of us who are really semi-professionals more adept at performing bookie services vs. actually capping games ourselves.

We will keep a running record of The Don's picks as always.  It takes a great deal of testicular fortitude to make your plays public but the Don just has that kind of make up.  He is a pit bull, dirt eating, muscular, snake biting, bear kicking, cage fighter who also happens to be smart, handsome, and magical.  (Ed. Note: Whoa, WTF?)

Here's the picks:

The DON!!


Fresno - 11 vs. Wyoming  O/U 55

I know Fresno St has a pretty good running back, but other than that?  Wyoming did get whipped by BYU, Texas and TCU, but Fresno is not in their category.  As for the teams Wyoming has beaten, well to be blunt about it, they have all been fucking terrible.   Fresno started out 1-3, but played Cincy, Boise and Wisconsin.  I know just looking at schedules can be pretty deceiving,  but it seems Fresno is the better team.  I know 11 is a lot of points, but Fresno played Wisconsin and Illinois down to the wire.  Those two games stick out at me because I would assume Wyoming just don’t have the athletes the Badgers and Zookers have.  I will lay the points, and take Fresno -11.  With that said, I like the over/under as a much better bet.  Both defenses are ranked at the bottom in scoring defense, giving up 30 points a game.  Fresno is ranked a top the NCAA in scoring offense, 14th, scoring 34.3.  I think it could be a relatively high scoring game and will take the over 55. Mark it:  Fresno -11 & O55


Hammer and Rothstein Jr!!

This just in, Fresno is really only a stones throw from Vegas.  We looked it up on Google Maps and you can literally get their by car, bus or public transit (Greyhound).  After arguing about whether Greyhound is public transit or mass transit, and then agreeing that "who gives a rats a$$", we settled in on the fact that its doubtful that the best athletes in Wyoming play football.  They ride bulls and hog tie steers.  That said, we like Fresno to laso these Cowboys.  Mark it:  Fresno -11.

THE DON!!!!


Central Florida +2.5 vs. Rutgers O/U 44.5

I know a bit more about both these teams than Fresno/Wyoming. (Ed Note: It's a proven fact that the more you drink the more you know!) I watched both of these teams play a couple times this season.  Central Florida was able to beat Houston and their passing attack, and although the score isn’t indicative of the actual game, they actually played “The U” pretty tough as well.  Rutgers played some pretty good teams solid this year, however, I am not sold on their Freshman quarterback.  In the games I watched, when he played against good defenses, he struggled.  Central Florida’s defense is very good, ranked 4th in the Nation against the run.  I think Central Florida will stack the box and make Savage beat them and I don’t think he will.  I like the dog and will take Central Florida +2.5. Mark it:  Central Florida +2.5


Hammer and Rothstein Jr!!

Interesting that C. Floriday played the "U" tough.  On a side note that ESPN 30/30 episode on the "U" made me want to set up a smoke machine in my basement for when I play EA Sports College Football 2004.  On to the game at hand, I also learned this week that Michael Jordan's son Marcus plays for the Central Florida basketball team.  The similarities stop at the name on the jersey b/c Marcus wears rec specs and hiked up socks with knee pads. He looks like a dorky Buck Ewing. But seriously, in consideration of this football game, Rutgers is in New Jersey right?  Isn't Atlantic city in Jersey?  We love the boardwalk so we love Rutgers to cover.Mark It: Rutgers -2.5


THE DON!!!!


Southern Miss -3.5 vs. Middle Tenn. St. O/U 58.5

You can literally flip a coin on this game.  Both teams averages, offensively and defensively, are just about the same, as are their ranks in the nation in those categories.  This game will probably go down to the wire, maybe who has the ball last.  The over/under seems high, considering both defenses seem to be a bit better than the offenses.  With that said, I haven’t seen either team play and wouldn’t bet either the spread or the over/under with Tiger Wood money that he spends on hookers.  But if I HAVE to make a selection, I would take the under 58.5.  If I had to pick the winner, I would take Southern Miss -3.5, Mark it:  Under 58.5


Hammer and Rothstein Jr

Man, is Middle Tenn St. in a bowl game?  We're talking about Middle Tenn St. in a bowl game?  In a BOWL game!!!  Look, we could be sitting here talking about any ol' game but we're talking about a BOWL game.  Not Tennesse, Not Kentucky, Not Tennesee St. but Middle Tenn State.  In a BOWL game.  I'm a franchise player and we're in here talking about this team in a bowl game?  Middle Tenn St?  If Don Trotter says their in a bowl game, then their in a bowl game that's it!  But we're in here talking about Middle Tn  Mark it:  Southern Miss -3.5

Tom Hammer here, and like Herb Dean in the UFC, I'm here to step in between the boiling feud that has enveloped Leroys Lounge during the college football gambling season and bring some clarity and fairness of measure to this flaming situation between Don Trotter and Chazz Speedman.  Because as all my friends know, I'm firm but I'm fair!!!

First and foremost, bohogan lifestyle consultants, are always here to help our knowledge thirsty readers and with heavy degenerate gambling being a cornerstone to every bohogan lifestyle, we hope that the open dialog between Mr. Trotter and Chazz Speedman has served beneficial in helping you cap your college football score card. 

If you lost tons of money on any of the picks that failed to hit, my advise to you is move far away from whatever bookie you owe or if you bet online I'd advise beginning the process to change your identify.  Both are completely legitimate ways to handle your $$ problems.  More than likely, the astute readers of this blog are probably up thousands of dollars and have plans in the work to host a Monte Carlo night in their basement.

Now, as it involves our two controversial cappers, I feel 100% obligated to provide complete transparency to how the football season ended.  In all fairness to Mr. Trotter, on the date of November 11 on a Friday afternoon he did send an email containing several picks that he requested me to post on bohogan.com.  At that time he felt that, Chazz Speedman's fast and furious and often times morally sick views of the college football season had run their course and it was time for a professional to step in.  I received this email and did not take action.  Bohogan lifestyle consultant sr. vice president and manager of gambling operations, Sam Rothstein Jr., received these picks as well.  Myself and Sam had a mix up, I was extremely busy that weekend probably entertaining guests, or on a trip out of town or on house arrest, but never the less, I was busy.  To be truthful, I can't remember what I did yesterday none the less on November 11, 2009. 

At any rate, the point of this is to bring full awareness to our online community that Mr. Trotter did submit the following email.

"Also, for kicks and giggles, I ran a 10 game $10 parlay.  I added that parlay at the end.  I don’t have a lock this week, because I don’t feel really, really good about any one game this week.  With that said, I do “like” the games in my parlay.
$10 Parlay pays out $8,266.08

Indy -1.5

Eagles -3

Houston -23.5

USF – 11.5

UNC +3.5

Arkansas -11.5

Penn St. -3

Texas Tech/OU over 53

Florida/Florida Int. Over 54

Army +2:"

As fate would have it, the Don of all Don's, Trotter hit all 10 of these games and pocketed a cool 9k.  When we learned of his success, bohogan consultants first action was to obviously congratulate Mr. Trotter and then immediately ask for a loan.

I know the natural response of the readership will be that of outrage as in theory, we all missed the chance to hit a ten team parlay.  And to that all I can say is, "I bet I can throw this football over that mountain!!!!"

Prior to the email on November 11 regarding the picks, Don also submitted an opinion based post around his love/contempt for gambling.  One can only assume that after hitting that 10 teamer, gambling is definitely back in love status with Don Trotter.

As for Chazz, I'm sure we haven't heard the last from him.  I'm too lazy to go back and add up his total record for him and that creepie smoke and drink loving baby but I'm sure it was impressive.  Even more importantly, that guy sure brings a strong opinion to balance out that of the Don and the fireworks and verbal sparring are worth the price of admission.

The last reason I share with you this totally unsubstantiated, outside of Sam Rothstein Jr. and myself, success story is to stir up the optimism that bohogan followers need to have as the college football bowl season approaches.  When general people refer to the holiday season they most probably are referencing the fact that Xmas approaches followed by the unbridled enthusiasm for the new year.  bohogan lifestyle consultants call it the holidays because its college football bowl season and its time to get paid.

That said, be on the look out for Don Trotters college bowl picks.

Happy Holidays (a.k.a Hit a big ass parlay!!!)

P.S.  I'm also working on a new "Readers Reach Around" post that deals with the mail bag from the contact us link.  Hit us up with your bohogan lifestyle comment, question or concern.